It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This baby is an asshole
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
