Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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