I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
