; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
