i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
