so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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