Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
