You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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