OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
