I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
