you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
