MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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