Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
