Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
