Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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