I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
