yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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