We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
