My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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