Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You are a genius and a whore.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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