He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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