Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
