he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
