listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
