You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
