she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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