What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
