just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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