You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
