dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
