And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
