He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
