Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
