I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
