I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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