Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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