the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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