Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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