Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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