Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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