make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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