Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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