I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
