Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Randomize
