rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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