Whod you bang
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
