Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
