just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
