So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
