my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
