Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
