So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
