She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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