forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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