I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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