best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
