you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm bleeding and have questions
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
